Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be
placed immediately on all beer containers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
asshole.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
thish.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
can't remember).
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named
FRANZ.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.
Believe all that ? Boy...I'm going to stop drinking from Tomorrow
